This post was most recently updated on January 20th, 2022
This is the lowdown. You’ll find everything you need here. Just follow these five simple rules for guaranteed weight gain while on vacation!
1. Don’t get enough sleep
Be sure to book early flights or tours. Then set your alarm for a much earlier time than you need after staying up all night packing. When you reserve your hotel rooms, ask for rooms near the elevator so that you can be sure to be woken up several times during the night. It might also help to choose uncomfortable beds and less-than-ideal sleeping arrangements for your children so that they don’t sleep well, either. If you have an overnight layover at an airport, don’t book a hotel, but rather, plan to sleep on the airport benches. Not getting enough sleep will make it so much easier to gain weight. But that’s just the beginning. The more you lose sleep, the more you will increase stress as well (see #5).
2. Stop exercising
Some people walk or bicycle everywhere they go, especially in Europe. Crazy, right?! That will definitely negate your efforts. Plan to take a taxi or rent a car as much as possible. Use automated walkways in the airport and escalators instead of stairs. Be sure to book bus tours over walking tours, or better yet, just lay out on the beach without swimming. Forget your regular exercise routine. You’ll be too tired anyway, if you’re following rule #1.
3. Eat badly!
The best start to lousy eating is to completely skip breakfast. Go without eating long enough that you end up bingeing on whatever you can find at the train station or souvenir shop, because you’re famished. When you dine out, eat quickly and rush off to the next thing on your agenda. Definitely do not take the time to savor new tastes and flavors. Don’t waste your time preparing your own meals — they might be too healthy. Eat meals late into the night and go to bed with a full stomach (another way to keep you from getting enough sleep).
4. Don’t drink enough water
One of the best ways to really mess up your metabolism is to get dehydrated. Don’t carry a water bottle with you and buy only sodas to drink. Wait until you actually feel thirsty before drinking because that means you are already dehydrated, and that will also make you very tired (see #1). Not drinking enough water keeps your digestive system from functioning well, so there you have it — another way to insure you’ll gain weight.
5. Increase your stress level
This is especially easy to do on a vacation. Wait till the last minute to apply for your passport or make reservations. Schedule transportation with short layovers and multiple plane changes. Plan your itinerary with so many things to do that you never have time to relax or just enjoy the moment. Forget to confirm reservations and panic when things go wrong and then continue to worry about all trip details. When you have chronic stress, your body will step up its production of cortisol and insulin and increase your appetite (back to #3). And don’t read these tips on how to plan a trip.
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